Theia

by Lianna Halko

I’ve imagined you
felt you
and spit you right back up
after supper
in a single involuntary movement
 
Hair black and long and sleek
I slowly wind my index finger
around and around a strand
and tug out a lock-
smooth the rest right back down in place
and right back down to perfection
right back down to how I want you and my pain
 
I stand up tall and naked in front of my reflection
I call upon Aphrodite and Selene and Rhea:
Ladies,
how the fuck did she
get her cheekbones to look so pronounced
and is this really what makes a person divine?
 
Wow,
I think to myself:
It’s the perfect day to be touched by someone divine
so I want you to touch me
It’s the perfect day to be loved by someone divine
so I want you to love me
It’s the perfect day to be killed by someone divine
so I want you to kill me
 
I stand up tall and naked in front of my reflection
I slowly wind my index finger
around and around a strand
and tug out a lock-
examine the singed bleached follicles
and smile at the very sight of dead ends
and peer down at the stretch marks on my hips
 
Suddenly I feel redeemed
Suddenly I don’t seem to notice my
chapped lips
sebaceous glands
brittle fingernails
Suddenly I forget about all of the
characters you remind me of
and places I’ve grown to despise
 
You’ve done your duty and you’ve done it well
so it’s time to place you in my palm
and feel you crumble into ash;
scatter you into the
Aegean Sea
and smile at the beauty of the sun
on the gigantic turquoise expanse before me
and watch you drift away like
an unnecessary thought
 
I feel whole again until I think to myself:
Just because I’m stronger than
the words in a mere sentence
and the strength of a sixty second mistake
does not mean the pain will dissipate just as fast
as the sea carries off
its dead